![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ooo maps, and unexpected introspection
Jul. 3rd, 2004 11:20 amWe splurged a bit this morning and upgraded campaign cartographer to CC2-Pro, and downloaded the Fantasy Floorplans Symbol Set, too, while we were at it. Todd wanted to do some maps for my game today, and well, these things just happen sometimes.
The learning curve for CC is pretty steep, but the results are spectacular. We've used it in the past (like this - Todd did these maps and I made them all neat and clicky for other people to see) but this is another one of those things that sits around for ages, unused. Bryce is another. And WorldBuilder - at least that one was free.
I think I need more patience when it comes to learning new things. This will probably sound horribly arrogant, but I think the fact that I'm smart gets in the way of me learning things more often than not. When I was younger, so many things came easily to me - I never really had to work at, well, anything. I didn't do homework, barely studied for tests (my idea of studying was to read over my badly scribbled notes the night before, or the class before, a test), and breezed through with flying colors. Often with the highest grade in the class.
And when I got to college? Well, honestly it was much of the same. I had problems my second year, but that was primarily due to my depression and the fact that I literally couldn't bring myself to leave my room rather than any lack of work ethic. I can still remember writing a term paper on a book for one of my honors English classes in college - I wrote it the night before it was due, having completely forgotten about it until that point. And I didn't read the book. I skimmed it, picking up as much as I could in about an hour (which was a decent amount, but still). I got the highest grade in the class, and the TA handed out copies of my paper with my name blacked out as an example to the other students on how to write a paper. I'm lucky that I could get away with stuff like that.
And I'm unlucky, in some ways, because I got away with stuff like that. I'm a spoiled fuckin' brat. Now that I'm older I've either dumbed down (ok, that's just me being mean to myself; I'll cut it out) or it's just that I'm now encountering things which are far more challenging to me. And seeing that they're easy for *other* people (or they seem to be, anyway) makes it that much more difficult for me. I expect to just be able to do things. Learning has always been, for me, a simple matter of reading something, and then knowing it. Period. And now it's not like that any more, if it ever really was. Why don't I do more digital art? I love the medium, and I have all these cool images in my head I'd love to get out. But it's hard. Why don't I make more maps of Elushae? Ditto. Why don't I do more stained glass, for that matter? The same - although at least with the stained glass I have the partial excuse for myself that it's my manual dexterity that's lacking. Really, though, it's all the same.
I need to get over myself. Some things aren't easy. I know this on an intellectual level, but, but, but... well, I guess that deep down I just don't believe it. I tend to think that if I have to work at something - really work at something - it's a sign that I'm lacking rather than that the task is difficult. It's a combination of arrogance and a curious lack of self-esteem that doesn't quite fit. I'm eager to blame my own stupidity for not grokking something tricky right away, and yet I expect to grok something tricky right away.
Yeesh. I was just going to write about campaign cartographer and now I'm dissecting myself. Guess this journal thing is still working. Heh.
The learning curve for CC is pretty steep, but the results are spectacular. We've used it in the past (like this - Todd did these maps and I made them all neat and clicky for other people to see) but this is another one of those things that sits around for ages, unused. Bryce is another. And WorldBuilder - at least that one was free.
I think I need more patience when it comes to learning new things. This will probably sound horribly arrogant, but I think the fact that I'm smart gets in the way of me learning things more often than not. When I was younger, so many things came easily to me - I never really had to work at, well, anything. I didn't do homework, barely studied for tests (my idea of studying was to read over my badly scribbled notes the night before, or the class before, a test), and breezed through with flying colors. Often with the highest grade in the class.
And when I got to college? Well, honestly it was much of the same. I had problems my second year, but that was primarily due to my depression and the fact that I literally couldn't bring myself to leave my room rather than any lack of work ethic. I can still remember writing a term paper on a book for one of my honors English classes in college - I wrote it the night before it was due, having completely forgotten about it until that point. And I didn't read the book. I skimmed it, picking up as much as I could in about an hour (which was a decent amount, but still). I got the highest grade in the class, and the TA handed out copies of my paper with my name blacked out as an example to the other students on how to write a paper. I'm lucky that I could get away with stuff like that.
And I'm unlucky, in some ways, because I got away with stuff like that. I'm a spoiled fuckin' brat. Now that I'm older I've either dumbed down (ok, that's just me being mean to myself; I'll cut it out) or it's just that I'm now encountering things which are far more challenging to me. And seeing that they're easy for *other* people (or they seem to be, anyway) makes it that much more difficult for me. I expect to just be able to do things. Learning has always been, for me, a simple matter of reading something, and then knowing it. Period. And now it's not like that any more, if it ever really was. Why don't I do more digital art? I love the medium, and I have all these cool images in my head I'd love to get out. But it's hard. Why don't I make more maps of Elushae? Ditto. Why don't I do more stained glass, for that matter? The same - although at least with the stained glass I have the partial excuse for myself that it's my manual dexterity that's lacking. Really, though, it's all the same.
I need to get over myself. Some things aren't easy. I know this on an intellectual level, but, but, but... well, I guess that deep down I just don't believe it. I tend to think that if I have to work at something - really work at something - it's a sign that I'm lacking rather than that the task is difficult. It's a combination of arrogance and a curious lack of self-esteem that doesn't quite fit. I'm eager to blame my own stupidity for not grokking something tricky right away, and yet I expect to grok something tricky right away.
Yeesh. I was just going to write about campaign cartographer and now I'm dissecting myself. Guess this journal thing is still working. Heh.
