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Tim the Enchanter
Jul. 2nd, 2004 03:13 pmTim the Enchanter Hat
Would I ever wear it? Not likely. Would I love to have it just on principle? Hell yeah.
Would I ever wear it? Not likely. Would I love to have it just on principle? Hell yeah.
Jul. 2nd, 2004
meta writing
Jul. 2nd, 2004 04:09 pmI was poking around on my website (for the first time in ages) and ended up on my updates page, which, for a long time, functioned a lot like livejournal for me. In theory, it was supposed to be a spot for me to post updates on my website (infrequent at best and nonexistent at worst) and occassionally big news. Once I sat down and started writing, though, I found myself using it far more like a journal. It's a large piece of me, that website, and that page in particular. It's got nearly four years worth of random musings, gripes, information, news, thoughts, and just plain stuff.
I wonder sometimes why I don't use it anymore - other than the two obvious reasons. Obvious reason #1 is that I just don't update my webpage that often. I have a definite dearth of ideas when it comes to new stuff for it, and my priorities have shifted to documenting elushae and the gaming system more than just random me-stuff, and so it just sits. Obvious reason #2 is that I have this place. Livejournal is like my updates page. A place to ramble. A place to write. A place to post memorable events and forgettable ones, too. A place for me to work out various feelings on various things and work through my own thinking. And it's more than that.
Livejournal has allowed me to connect to people in a way I haven't done since... mmm, call it 1995-1997. Back in my AOL ACLU days. And it's a different medium, one in which I feel, in some ways, safer. More protected - being able to hide things and filter things and set some things as private and so on and so forth gives me a smidgeon of security that not just *anyone* will stumble across something I wouldn't want just anyone to see. And yet I can still share. I always wondered, when I was writing on my website, if anyone out there was reading it. I felt like I was whispering in the dark, drowned out by infinite space.
I'm grateful for this medium. That's part of what I'm trying to say (if, indeed, I'm really trying to say anything. As I so often do, I'm just kind of rambling here).
Of course, and this is completely contrary... I kind of miss the anonymity. Not that there was *much* of it. Anyone who stumbled across my website in all likelihood knew me in 'real life.' But you see, I never really believed that anyone was reading it. Oh, Todd read it. But, you know, he's Todd. He reads everything I write. Nearly. But nobody else. And although I sometimes wished for a connection... for some random reader out there to see my words and say "hey, me too! I *identify* with that" when it didn't happen and didn't happen and didn't happen, it became far less important to me. And writing in a more "public" space makes it more important. And my updates page was tricky to find even for my family if you didn't know where to look, really. This place? My name is Cislyn, folks, here and there and everywhere. I sometimes wonder if I oughtn't try out a new name and see what that does for me (if anything). I wonder if fewer of my posts (far fewer) would end up friends locked if I considered myself just another collection of strange syllables out in cyberspace, hard to place, quite like a lot of the others.
I don't know. But it's interesting to me to think about how my writing, personal and otherwise, has shifted over the years. Shifted and mutated and changed and turned purple (what? purple prose, that's what I mean!) in some cases. In some ways it amazes me. I don't know if it's just because I wrote these things, these term papers and poems and stories and journal entries and *things*, or what, but when I read them, they all feel like me. When did I get a style all of my own, I wonder. I don't really think I've got one. Never had one. Somehow the fundamental Cislyn-ness of it all just comes through.
I could ramble in this way long enough to bore even myself, so I'll stop soon. I just... I don't know. The question of identity, of self, has always been an interesting one to me. Who are you? Who are you, really? Who am I? I've never been able to answer that question to my own satisfaction. Reading back over my words from years and years and years past, though... well, I still can't answer it, and the girl I was then couldn't do it either. But I see me in there. I don't know how to define myself, and maybe that's a good thing, really, but I feel centered and focused and more me than I have in months right at this moment.
I wonder sometimes why I don't use it anymore - other than the two obvious reasons. Obvious reason #1 is that I just don't update my webpage that often. I have a definite dearth of ideas when it comes to new stuff for it, and my priorities have shifted to documenting elushae and the gaming system more than just random me-stuff, and so it just sits. Obvious reason #2 is that I have this place. Livejournal is like my updates page. A place to ramble. A place to write. A place to post memorable events and forgettable ones, too. A place for me to work out various feelings on various things and work through my own thinking. And it's more than that.
Livejournal has allowed me to connect to people in a way I haven't done since... mmm, call it 1995-1997. Back in my AOL ACLU days. And it's a different medium, one in which I feel, in some ways, safer. More protected - being able to hide things and filter things and set some things as private and so on and so forth gives me a smidgeon of security that not just *anyone* will stumble across something I wouldn't want just anyone to see. And yet I can still share. I always wondered, when I was writing on my website, if anyone out there was reading it. I felt like I was whispering in the dark, drowned out by infinite space.
I'm grateful for this medium. That's part of what I'm trying to say (if, indeed, I'm really trying to say anything. As I so often do, I'm just kind of rambling here).
Of course, and this is completely contrary... I kind of miss the anonymity. Not that there was *much* of it. Anyone who stumbled across my website in all likelihood knew me in 'real life.' But you see, I never really believed that anyone was reading it. Oh, Todd read it. But, you know, he's Todd. He reads everything I write. Nearly. But nobody else. And although I sometimes wished for a connection... for some random reader out there to see my words and say "hey, me too! I *identify* with that" when it didn't happen and didn't happen and didn't happen, it became far less important to me. And writing in a more "public" space makes it more important. And my updates page was tricky to find even for my family if you didn't know where to look, really. This place? My name is Cislyn, folks, here and there and everywhere. I sometimes wonder if I oughtn't try out a new name and see what that does for me (if anything). I wonder if fewer of my posts (far fewer) would end up friends locked if I considered myself just another collection of strange syllables out in cyberspace, hard to place, quite like a lot of the others.
I don't know. But it's interesting to me to think about how my writing, personal and otherwise, has shifted over the years. Shifted and mutated and changed and turned purple (what? purple prose, that's what I mean!) in some cases. In some ways it amazes me. I don't know if it's just because I wrote these things, these term papers and poems and stories and journal entries and *things*, or what, but when I read them, they all feel like me. When did I get a style all of my own, I wonder. I don't really think I've got one. Never had one. Somehow the fundamental Cislyn-ness of it all just comes through.
I could ramble in this way long enough to bore even myself, so I'll stop soon. I just... I don't know. The question of identity, of self, has always been an interesting one to me. Who are you? Who are you, really? Who am I? I've never been able to answer that question to my own satisfaction. Reading back over my words from years and years and years past, though... well, I still can't answer it, and the girl I was then couldn't do it either. But I see me in there. I don't know how to define myself, and maybe that's a good thing, really, but I feel centered and focused and more me than I have in months right at this moment.
but, but, but, everybody's doin' it!
Jul. 2nd, 2004 05:41 pmOk, I'm going to give in and be something of a sheep. I've seen this meme going around (and ya know, Friday 5:45 p.m. probably isn't the best time to post it, but oh well) and it caught my eye.
I want you to ask me something you think you should know about me. Something that should be obvious, but you have no idea about. Then post this in your LJ and find out what people don't know about you.
I haven't participated in this on other people's journals (yet). I have a hard time coming up with questions for folks, usually. But I figured, what the hell... I was looking over my info page earlier, and it occurred to me that although a lot of my interests are up there, and that's a good thing, my bio is woefully short. I usually just don't write a lot about myself on those kind of things - I feel like I'm kind of self-explanatory, you know? So, it seemed like maybe a Q&A session might be in order. If you'd rather ask me all quiet-like, feel free to email me rather than comment - send it to... hrmm... which one... send it to cislyn_lj AT yahoo DOT com. And I'll answer in another post, or in an email if you prefer. And you can always comment anonymously - the IP tracking thing is on for anonymous comments but I've never actually used it and don't foresee myself ever using it. Right. I'll shut up now. Heh... ~wanders off into lala land~
I want you to ask me something you think you should know about me. Something that should be obvious, but you have no idea about. Then post this in your LJ and find out what people don't know about you.
I haven't participated in this on other people's journals (yet). I have a hard time coming up with questions for folks, usually. But I figured, what the hell... I was looking over my info page earlier, and it occurred to me that although a lot of my interests are up there, and that's a good thing, my bio is woefully short. I usually just don't write a lot about myself on those kind of things - I feel like I'm kind of self-explanatory, you know? So, it seemed like maybe a Q&A session might be in order. If you'd rather ask me all quiet-like, feel free to email me rather than comment - send it to... hrmm... which one... send it to cislyn_lj AT yahoo DOT com. And I'll answer in another post, or in an email if you prefer. And you can always comment anonymously - the IP tracking thing is on for anonymous comments but I've never actually used it and don't foresee myself ever using it. Right. I'll shut up now. Heh... ~wanders off into lala land~
movie record, for the record
Jul. 2nd, 2004 10:57 pmtonight:
we ate leftover chop suey and watched Chamber of Horrors an old b&w suspense/horror flick I hadn't seen before. It was fun - not great, not horrible mocking bad. Just fun. It wasn't at all as advertised on the box, but well, that's ok. I don't mind a bit of misrepresentation. :) We also watched Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark, and that too, was fun. It's been years since I've seen any Indy, and I do so love a good, light-hearted movie about archeology and nazis. Oddly enough both movies featured small monkeys.
going to watch - more of Record of the Lodoss War. Wheeeee for couch potato-ness!
we ate leftover chop suey and watched Chamber of Horrors an old b&w suspense/horror flick I hadn't seen before. It was fun - not great, not horrible mocking bad. Just fun. It wasn't at all as advertised on the box, but well, that's ok. I don't mind a bit of misrepresentation. :) We also watched Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark, and that too, was fun. It's been years since I've seen any Indy, and I do so love a good, light-hearted movie about archeology and nazis. Oddly enough both movies featured small monkeys.
going to watch - more of Record of the Lodoss War. Wheeeee for couch potato-ness!
